Show vs Tell in Writing: Deep POV Examples & Tips for Authors
Is there any piece of writing advice more overused, and less explained than “show, don’t tell”? If you’re like most self‑published authors we coach, you’ve probably heard this mantra a hundred times. But has anyone ever broken down exactly how to do it? That’s what we’re going to explore today.
That’s where I come in. I’m Rebecca Hamilton, NYT, USA Today, and Wall Street Journal bestselling author, and an author coach who’s helped hundreds of writers hit six- and seven-figure careers. And today, I want to show you how to finally make sense of “show vs tell” with one simple, powerful technique: deep point of view (deep POV).
We’ll dive into deep POV, a technique that cuts through the filter words and pulls your reader straight into your character’s world. According to craft experts, deep POV eliminates distance between the reader and the character by presenting sensations, thoughts, and emotions as they are experienced. Once you learn to implement it on a sentence‑by‑sentence level, your prose will transform from detached narration to immersive storytelling.
Why Deep POV Matters for Self‑Published Authors
If you’re building a sustainable author career, crafting addictive stories is non‑negotiable. Our Reader Cloning System at Seven Figure Author Career shows that readers stick around when they’re emotionally invested in a character. Deep POV helps you achieve exactly that.
Here’s why mastering “show vs tell” with deep POV should be on your radar:
Stronger reader engagement: when you cut filter words, readers stop watching your character from the outside and start feeling what they feel. That creates the kind of visceral connection that fuels superfans.
Cleaner prose: eliminating “she saw/he felt/he wondered” trims unnecessary words, making your sentences tighter and more powerful.
Marketing advantage: authors who write in deep POV find it easier to craft blurbs, ad copy, and book descriptions that resonate. It’s one of the secrets we explore inside the 3xP Reader Cloning System, alongside Reader Psychology, Trope Mapping and the Algorithmic Launch Code.
If you’re planning a release soon, don’t miss the Ultimate Book Launch Checklist for Self‑Published Authors.
The #1 Culprit: Filter Words
Most telling happens when writers add an unnecessary filter between the character and the reader. Watch for verbs like see, saw, hear, heard, feel, felt, notice, noticed, wonder, wondered, taste, taste, anything that reminds us we’re being told about the character’s experience rather than living it.
Examples of filter words in writing to watch out for:
These words act like a pane of glass between your reader and your story. Removing them invites the reader to experience your character’s world firsthand.
Turning Telling Into Showing: Sentence‑Level Examples
Let’s look at how you can transform telling sentences into immersive experiences. We’ll use some examples from the original post to illustrate the shift from distant to deep POV.
Example 1: The Sound of Birds
Distant: “Mary could hear the birds singing outside.”
Closer: “Mary heard the birds singing outside.”
Deep POV: “The birds sang outside.”
In the first two versions, “could hear/heard” filters the experience. In the deep POV version, we simply state that birds are singing. Because we’re in Mary’s POV, readers automatically understand that she hears them. A small edit, but it changes the way your readers connect with the scene.
Example 2: Seeing Through a Window
Distant: “Alice could see Mark through the window. He was pacing in the living room.”
Closer: “Alice saw Mark through the window. He was pacing in the living room.”
Deep POV: “On the other side of the window, Mark paced in the living room.”
Removing “could see” or “saw” brings us into the moment. You can layer in emotion by choosing stronger verbs: “Alice glared at Mark through the window as he paced the living room.” Without ever saying she “felt angry,” readers infer how she feels by the action.
Example 3: Sense of Touch
Distant: “Mary could feel the rough bark of the tree as she felt her way through the dark forest.”
Closer: “Mary felt the rough tree bark as she felt her way through the dark forest.”
Deep POV: “Tree bark scraped Mary’s fingertips as she stumbled through the dark forest.”
Here, the deep POV example replaces the filter with a visceral image. Notice how “scraped” and “stumbled” show us what Mary experiences instead of telling us how she feels.
Example 4: Showing Emotion
Distant: “Mary felt sad.”
Deep POV: “Mary’s shoulders slumped; her chest tightened as tears pooled in her eyes.”
Instead of naming the emotion, describe the physical sensations or actions that accompany it. This way, readers empathise without being told what to feel.
Example 5: Fatigue on the Road
In our original post, we rewrote a tired driving scene to make it more engaging:
Mary’s eyelids drooped. As her car swerved, she jerked her head up and blinked. Two more miles to home. She slapped her face a few times, trying to keep alert.
This version shows the physical manifestations of exhaustion instead of simply saying “Mary felt tired.” It also raises tension and invites readers to worry about her safety. That combination of showing and strategic pacing is the hallmark of good deep POV.
How to Implement Deep POV in Your Drafts
Ready to put this into practice? Here’s a simple process you can follow during revisions:
Identify filter words: scan your manuscript for verbs like “saw,” “heard,” “felt,” “noticed” and highlight them.
Rewrite the sentence: remove the filter and describe the action or sensation directly. Ask yourself: If I’m inside my character’s head, how do I experience this?
Layer in visceral detail: where appropriate, add sensory descriptors, body language or internal thoughts to convey emotion. Keep it concise, sometimes one strong image says more than a page of telling.
Use distance intentionally: there are moments when you want a more detached feel (dream sequences, traumatic events). Save filter words for these occasions; the contrast will pack a punch.
Test it with readers: share two versions of a scene, one with filters, one without. Ask which feels more immersive. You’ll be surprised how often readers respond to the deep POV version.
When to Bend the Rules
Like all writing principles, “show, don’t tell” isn’t absolute. As you master deep POV, you’ll learn when breaking the rule is effective. For example, in a disorienting dream sequence you might deliberately distance the reader: “It felt like hours before I heard the glass shatter.” This variation signals to the reader that something is off.
The key is intentionality. Use distance for impact, not as a default.
“Show, don’t tell” is one of those rules that gets thrown around without much context, but now you know exactly how to use it to make your book immersive and addictive.
And here’s the bigger truth: writing techniques like deep POV aren’t just about art, they’re about marketability. When you align craft with reader psychology, your books convert better, your reviews resonate more, and readers stick with you book after book.
We’ve seen it happen again and again in our programs. Authors who went from struggling with sales to hitting bestseller lists, scaling their royalties, and finally building the career they dreamed of.
Want proof?? Take a look at some of our client success stories and see what’s possible when you put strategies like this into action.
Deep POV is just one piece of building a six‑ or seven‑figure author career. To truly scale your results, you’ll need a holistic approach to writing, marketing, and mindset. That’s where the 3xP Reader Cloning System comes in. It combines Reader Psychology, Trope Mapping, Series Ecosystems, and algorithmic launch strategies to help you:
Write addictive books readers can’t put down.
Reach the right readers with precision instead of guessing.
Build a scalable series that compounds royalties over time.
And if you’d like support implementing these strategies, we invite you to join our free author community on Facebook, where we share trainings, checklists, and resources every week!
Happy writing! 📚
